


The 'M' Stands for Slope

by Karlikat



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Werewolves, Derek Hale & Stiles Stilinski are the Same Age, Fluff, High School, M/M, Pre-Slash, all of the fluff, math puns, not to bad, small angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 01:54:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10150544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karlikat/pseuds/Karlikat
Summary: Stiles wants Derek. Scott is a sweet innocent child. Derek can't express his feelings. There is a math pun involved.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a legit conversation that I had with a friend, but with a different ending, because we both understood the reference and died after. It reigned as a secret joke for a while, and I will think of that day whenever I hear the word smexy.

“Dude. You don’t understand. Derek Hale is the ultimate sexy.” Stiles waved his arms frantically, nearly hitting Scott in the face. “Derek Hale is the dark brooding man-pain sexy, take me right now sexy. There’s so much I would do for a chance at that booty, Scott, _so much_.”

Scott glared at him. “Stiles. Derek looks like a serial killer, and will probably rather kill you then have sex with you. I’m supportive and shit, but seriously, have some self-preservation!”

It was Stiles’ turn to glare at Scott now. “That’s not being very supportive, Scotty. And I’m not saying I just want to bone him, you know? He’s just got this… look sometimes. Something that makes me wanna hug him, you know? He’s all tough, but I think there’s something more underneath. Something sad.”

Stiles glanced at Scott as he spoke, earnest and small. Scott had a suspiciously goofy face. “What?”

“I- nothing. It’s just, the way you said that, it’s like….” He trailed off, smiling ruefully and shaking his head. “It’s almost like you love him. Like, Lydia epic proportion love. Like me and Allison epic love.”

Stiles scoffed and Scott’s shoulder, “Dude, no. It’s just. I want to do something for him. He has, like, all of three friends, and I think he needs someone.”

Scott was getting suspiciously happy again. Seriously, the guy was a puppy personified. His eyes alone should be considered a weapon of mass destruction, and they’ve cost Stiles so much _. So much._ Right now though, they were looked like how Scott usually looked at Allison. So not good.

“So you don’t want to just bang him, you want the whole thing. Relationship and all.”

“Yes, Scott. I want to be his trophy wife. Well, not really. I’d probably go crazy if I had to stay inside all day. So not really trophy wife material. I’d be like arm candy. Except I’m not pretty enough for that, so baby daddy? That could work, I would make an awesome dad. I totally want Derek’s kids. Yes! Game plan!” Stiles kept going, flailing and making a general nuisance of himself in the hallways. Scott looked slightly disturbed, probably due to Stiles and his rant about fetuses and how women give birth.

“Stiles. Stop. Please. For my sanity, if nothing else.” Scott looked desperate as Stiles started ranting about how different creatures give birth, and _have you ever seen video of a seahorse giving birth, Scott? Have you?_

Stiles stopped mid-word, and slowly lowered his arms from where they ended up above his head during his flailing. “Scott. My buddy, my pal. Derek Hale is hot. Hot like burning, and there’s no chance I can get me some of that. _Lydia_ is more attainable the Derek freaking Hale. And that’s _Lydia_. Do you see the problem? Derek only notices me when I fuck up around him, and even then, he only gives me the brooding glare of death. Derek is so far out of my league he’s in another universe. Hell, he’s in the _farthest_ universe possible from me, Scott.”

Stiles shook his head and sighed. “I just don’t want to be alone anymore Scott. You’ve got Allison, Lydia’s got Jackass Wittemore, and I’m tired of being the third wheel. I know you guys don’t mean it, but….” He gave a small self-deprecating shrug. “It is what it is. I’m good though! You need Allison in your life. She’s good for you.”

Stiles knew that he usually wouldn’t say something like this, but he was tired. Tired of being shunted aside, no matter how much he knew it wasn’t on purpose. Tired from lack of sleep, because his nightmares have resurfaced with a vengeance. Tired of worrying his dad all the time, and tired of being the only single guy in their friend group. Yeah, he knows that having a boyfriend or whatever doesn’t make everything always better, but he can want, right?

“Stiles…” Scott looks sad. Which isn’t that hard, because he’s a literal puppy. “We never mean to push you out, and I’ll try to keep you in the loop more. How ‘bout a bro’s night tonight? Catch up on some CoD? I can help you make a ten year plan for getting Derek. And by help, I mean watch as you set up another creepy crime board and eat all your food.”

Stiles punches Scott on the shoulder, “Nah, bro.  I know you’ve been planning tonight with Allison for a while. It’s the thought that counts though, right?” Stiles threw a small smile at Scott and threw his arm over Scott’s shoulders. “Anyway, let’s get back to pining over one Derek Hale!”

He gestured to across the hall, where Derek was scowling at Erica as she flung an arm over his shoulders. “Derek Hale is the ultimate brooding sexy. Derek Hale is fucking _smexy._ ”

Scott side eyed Stiles. “Do you even know what that means?”

“Yes,” Stiles stopped. “Yes. It means sexy sexy. The sexiest of sexy, and Derek Hale is that sexy, Scott. Trust me. I know things.”

“If it means sexy sexy, then what does the ‘m’ stand for?” Scott is an innocent child, niave and sweet. He should never lose that sweet innocence.

Stiles, without pause, stared at Scott. “The ‘m’ stands for slope. Duh.”

Scott stared back at Stiles. “What?”

Stiles looked blankly back at Scott. “You know, math? The ‘m’ stands for slop? As in y=mx+b? Finding the slope of the line? Math that everyone knows? C’mon Scott, you’ve got to know this. We’ve learned this like three years ago, and it’s come up every year we’ve been in a math class, Scott! How can you not know this?”

Scott still looked vaguely clueless, but there was a small spark of recognition in his eyes. “Maybe? It seems kinda familiar.”

Stiles threw his arms in the air again, “You’re useless. Useless, I tell you! I’m going to go get better friends. If Lydia were here she’d understand my brilliance!” Stiles stalked off in a huff, leaving Scott behind to stare at him in amusement before running to catch up with him.

 

Derek, who hadn’t noticed the conversation that Stiles and Scott were having about him, and having escapes the clutches of Erica, stooped down to pick up a lost student id. Flipping it over, he was greeted with a smirking face of one Stiles Stilinski. There wasn’t a name on the card, it just read M. Stilinski, and Derek gave it a frown. He would do a lot to figure out Stiles’ real name. He looked back up, and hurried after Stiles, who was a little down the hallway, and seemed to be fighting with McCall.

Reaching him, he grabbed his shoulder and held out the id.

“I think you dropped this.”

Stiles startled and lost his balance, and flailed his arms as he tried to catch his balance. He did catch it, but on Derek. Almost unconsciously, he squeezed the pecs under his hand, but when he caught sight of the glower that Derek was sending his way, retracted his hand like it was burning.

“Derek! Didn’t see you there!” Stiles blustered, trying to cover up his blush.

Derek continued to glower. “You dropped this,” he said, thrusting the id at Stiles again.

“Oh! Man, thanks! Wouldn’t’a wanted to lose it again, that wouldn’t be good…” Stiles took the card from Derek, and tried not to stammer too much. Scott was looking at him in amusement.

“I’ll just be leaving then. You know, class.” Stiles tried to leave, but Derek reached out to stop him again.

Stiles glanced down at the hand on his shoulder, then back up at the growly Derek. “Yes?”

“What does the ‘M’ stand for?”

Stiles stopped and looked over his shoulder at Derek, and sent a smirk his way.

“The ‘M’ stands for slope. Haven’t you ever taken a math class?”


End file.
